How I’ve Changed

Going to university/college will change you.  I knew this already – I had been warned of it many times.  But very few people can predict exactly how they will change because everyone is very individual.

What I have found, though, is that some aspects of how you change are actually surprisingly within your control.

Enjoying My Time

Time to myself and time for socialising and enjoyment has become quite important to my life balance.  At IB, I was always working and couldn’t afford to give myself chill time.  I became a machine.

Uni gave me a chance to rebalance myself – I came as much for the social aspect as for the degree, so I have made sure to prioritise the relationships in my life.  I’m a massive introvert, so I also make sure that I value my alone time.

jess-wen-london

This has not really affected my learning, so I think I am maintaining a healthy balance.  When my degree is done, all I’ll be left with is a piece of paper, a few new skills and hopefully some fabulous friendships and wonderful memories.

Social Awkwardness

I’ve become best friends with someone who has had CBT and they know themselves really well.  Their level of self-reflection has really rubbed off on me, and I feel like I have become more self-aware.

That has made it harder for me to joke about general life because I’m far more critical of my thoughts, so my conversations seem to always tend towards the serious and deep, completely skipping out the banter.

Canterbury-white-house

It’s great if I’ve established good friends already and/or someone has something important or interesting to say.  It even works fine in small talk when I’m getting to know the facts about someone.

It’s not so great when you’re trying to get past the ‘acquaintance’ stage to the ‘good friends’ stage, especially when I’m talking one to one.  I can get away with it if the other person is chatty (because I reckon I’m pretty good at listening) but I find it hard to get into a playful mood.

It takes me a lot of effort to think up something witty to say, and by the time I’ve come up with it, the moment has passed.  As a result, I think I’ve ended up just regurgitating witty things I’ve heard other people say, so the banter isn’t really my own.  Luckily, it’s not impacting my life massively, but it’s something I’m still working on.

Weight Gain

Having a Tesco’s literally 5 minutes away from where I live has been so bad for my waistline 😂 I always have chocolate, biscuits or chocolate biscuits within arm’s reach of my desk…

chocolate

I cycle and walk everywhere, so I haven’t quite reached Freshers’ Fifteen heights but I was quite happy with my size before uni 😅 I will try and change my eating habits in the coming term!

Independence

Each time I come home after 8 weeks of uni, I always feel stifled because I get so used to managing my own time whilst at uni, and not having to answer to anyone but myself.

I love the independence of first-year uni – you have things to do, but you do them in your own time.  Catered halls are also a real gift, because cooking takes a surprisingly long time if you create something from scratch!

Character

At uni, I find that I am more forgiving, patient and open-minded than when I am home.  It is a place with a lot of different people, which is something that’s really celebrated!

New experiences like going to uni gives you a fresh perspective on things, and I think this is worth embracing.

I now need to transfer these qualities to people I have known forever – this is more difficult than it sounds because with familiarity comes expectations.  I find that when they don’t meet my expectations, frustration and anger come quickly.

Who Am I?

I have not had a full-blown existential crisis yet, but I have started to give more thought to this age-old question that most people will spend the rest of their time alive trying to answer.

This is a topic that deserves a whole post to itself (don’t worry, it’s coming 😉 ) so I won’t go into detail here.  All I will say is that I have started to feel lost, and I am immediately and unconsciously trying to solve it by turning to exterior methods rather than introspection.

rabbit-bridge-sky

I feel that there is no rush for me to figure this out immediately, so I think I am just going to take my time and see how it goes.

Conclusion

I started out as a very thinking person before I came to uni.  My feelings never controlled me, and as a result, I didn’t understand when other people would act irrationally and blame it on their feelings.

Now that I’ve come to uni and met so many different people, I have become more open-minded towards them and more considerate of how my actions and words will make them feel.  I think my relationships have really benefitted as a result of this!

Do you feel like you’ve changed recently?  Have big events in the past changed you?  How important do you think your environment is in influencing your character?  Let me know, it will be really interesting to hear from you!

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “How I’ve Changed

  1. Jess, you really did change after the few months hiatus. Personally, i do feel like i have changed recently due to everything in life coming to me at the same time, especially exams. My vision has changed to viewing things in a bigger picture and i learned more on how to deal with people. Major blunders here and there indeed has changed the way i think or do things. Really felt that i am also undergoing a change in life, shifting into another phase of life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m glad that you have understood more about yourself and the world, and I guess our mistakes guide our improvements! It’s important that we adapt to the different stages in life, trying to always improve ourselves 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ahh I relate to this post a lot – uni has definitely changed me too. It’s helped me become more social and push me out of my comfort zone, but also speak to so many different kinds of people and understanding where they all come from and why they are how they are.
    It’s so difficult sometimes to comprehend that you’re completely independent and have full responsibility over everything in your life, but it’s also nice to feel so free 🙂

    Like

  3. This is such a thoughtful, lovely update! I’m glad to hear that uni has been treating you well and I love your mature perspective on what you actually get after graduating.

    Being on a gap year and all, I do worry a little about stagnating (not so much personality-wise, I guess because I expect I’ll have plenty of time to grow in uni!) but all we really need to do, I think, is keep pushing the boundaries of our comfort zones and try to balance different areas. 🙂

    I’m glad the full weight of undergrad existential crisis hasn’t hit yet and hopefully it won’t, really, because much as I love existentialism and am being a bit of a hypocrite here, such crises are far too tired a trope. But if it does, I’ll be looking forward to seeing how you handle it! I have no doubt it’ll be in your characteristically graceful manner.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Miranda! I’m so glad that you agree with me, there’s something to be said for the cliché of existential crises… It’s very easy to fall into the comfort of not trying anything new, but equally you can burn yourself out without knowing by saying yes to everything. It’s definitely a matter of balance, so I think you’ve nailed it there… Your gap year sure looks like it’s going well! Hope you’re enjoying it 😀

      Liked by 1 person

What do you think?

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s